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Jerkov

Welcome, Comrade, to the Russian Mafia!

The Russian Mafia hate the Capitalist Zaibatsu! Kill the Zaibatsu and we will respect you.

Green phones[edit]

Hot Dog Homicide![edit]

West phone

Jerkov

Comrade! Jerkov here! A leading meat processing plant will make special hot dogs to feed my troops if I supply the meat. Steal a Bus and pick up people from Bus Stops.

Jerkov

What took you so long? I don't care where the meat comes from! Find yourself a Bus Stop and pick up passengers. I will let you know when you have enough.

Jerkov

Excellent, Comrade, a Bus full of food! My men await you at the meat processing plant.

Jerkov

Good work, Comrade! Supervise the mincing from the top of The Cage.

Passenger

Please don't take me! I'm all saturated fat!

Passenger

Please! No! I don't wanna be your hot dog!

Jerkov

Quickly, men! Stop them getting away!

Passenger

This is an outrageous violation of Health And Safety Regulations!

Passenger

What's that grinding noise? AAARRRGGGHH!

Jerkov

The miserable wretches are trying to escape! Shoot them, men! Comrade - stay put!

The Hot Dog Van is full. Mmm, drive to the Kovski Diner, Comrade.

Jerkov

Deliver the Hot Dog Van to the Kovski Diner across town!

Jerkov

You have helped to fill the starving Kovski belly! Here's $40,000. Eat hearty, Comrade!

Mmm, Russian Sailors![edit]

East phone

Jerkov

Hey, Comrade, it's Jerkov! Zaibatsu Dealers are cutting in on our drug trade. Collect the Z-Type we have parked and help us redress the balance.

Jerkov

The first Z-Dealer is waiting at the Train Station in Bayano, Comrade.

Jerkov

Sound the horn to get the Z-Dealer's attention, Comrade.

Z-Dealer

Like, here it is and here you are, man. Far out!

Jerkov

Perfect, Comrade. Collect the second Z-Dealer at the Hospital in Bayano.

Z-Dealer

Is it that time already? Shit, I ain't even sold out yet. Oh well...

Jerkov

Two Z-Dealers to go, Comrade. You will find one at the Escobar Power Cores.

Z-Dealer

Hey, I was waitin' for my bitch! Well, business is business I guess...

Jerkov

Collect the final Z-Dealer from Sennora and once again we will have the edge in this area!

Z-Dealer

Hey! Looks like you got some kinda party going on in here!

Jerkov

I wonder how long these Z-Dealers can hold their breath? Let's find out... Take them to the Crane!

Jerkov

Get out, Comrade. Your role in this job is almost over.

I think next time we use them for hot dogs and save the motor car.

Jerkov

At last we are doing great street business - thanks to you, Comrade. We will work together again I am sure. For now, here is $40,000.

Yellow phones[edit]

Officer Down![edit]

North phone

Jerkov

Jerkov here, Comrade. Police protection is a big earner - and I want a slice of that pie. You have FIVE minutes to destroy TWO Cop Cars and disrupt the marketplace.

Jerkov

Nice, Comrade! Can you manage one more?

Jerkov

Health insurance just went up thanks to you, Comrade. Now I want to start getting serious... Destroy a SWAT Van!

Jerkov

You make this look easy, Comrade! Finally, we also intend to compete with the Government - so that means you need to destroy TWO Special Agent Cars!

Jerkov

It's heating up! Only one Special Agent car to destroy!

Jerkov

The City's Emergency Services are troubled thanks to you, Comrade. Take this $60,000 with our gratitude and drink to continued Kovski success!

Karma Assassins![edit]

South phone

Jerkov

Hey, Comrade - it's Jerkov. The Karma Assassins are coming and all my good Kovski are drunk. You must protect me!

Jerkov

You took out a Karma Assassin, Comrade! Only SEVEN to go!

Jerkov

Another Krishna bites the dust, Comrade! Now there are SIX to kill!

Jerkov

That's one less to worry about, Comrade. But still FIVE remain!

Jerkov

Good work, Comrade. Now there are only FOUR Hitmen to hit!

Jerkov

Excellent! THREE to go, Comrade!

Jerkov

This is getting tense, Comrade! Only TWO Assassins remain!

Jerkov

One final Krishna Killer to kill, Comrade!

Jerkov

Outstanding, Comrade! You helped the Karma Assassins to meet their maker!

Jerkov

Top Karma Assassin Nova Bright lies in wait in an Armored Bus. Eradicate him, Comrade!

Jerkov

Simple weapons will not harm this spiritual Karma Bus, Comrade. Only a vehicle rigged with a bomb will do the job!

Jerkov

Send my regards to Krishna, Mr Bright. Good work, Comrade! Let me see... I think you deserve $60,000.

Tanks a Lot![edit]

Previous phone

Jerkov

Comrade! It's me, Jerkov! Last night Zaibatsu Executives lost everything at my poker table and now they want revenge. THREE Tanks have been sent to crush my precious Kovski Cars.

Jerkov

The Tanks are cheap Western trash! Destroy them and protect my new Kovski Cars!

Jerkov

I knew you were up to the job, Comrade!

Jerkov

Two Zaibatsu Tanks on the scrap heap! Keep fighting, Comrade.

Jerkov

Excellent, Comrade! You are tough, you smell bad, but you work hard like a Russian! Here is $60,000. We can do business again.

Red phone[edit]

Vedic Massacre![edit]

Jerkov

Hey, Comrade, it's Jerkov. Krishna free love is bankrupting my bitch action. Find Ivan and his mercenary friends to spill some free blood.

Ivan

I have THREE guerrilla soldiers. You will need a motor vehicle!

Ivan

Okay, Comrade, drive to the Holy Vedic Temple. Jerkov wants us to spill much Krishna blood!

Jerkov

Okay, Comrade, we are at the Holy Vedic Temple. Get out and prove yourself a loyal Russian!

Stay on foot to kill the Krishna until I signal you to halt!

Jerkov

Zuper, Comrade! Mow down the love puppets!

Jerkov

Keep it up, Comrade! There is ammunition on the walkways!

Jerkov

Fantastic, Comrade! Make more Krishna Stew!

Jerkov

KILL! KILL! KILL! Overthrow the occultists, Comrade!

Jerkov

Fighting proud, Comrade! Survive TWO minutes inside the Vedic Temple and kill the Krishna.

Jerkov

They are not chanting any more, Comrade. One day you should drink with me and my lady friends! For now, accept my gratitude and $80,000.

Super Grass Rescue![edit]

Jerkov

Comrade! It's Jerkov! Some of my special gangsters have information about an Informant but are trapped in the Zaibatsu Power Core. Free them - and their knowledge!

Jerkov

The doorway is locked, Comrade. Try bombing the Generators to release the sticky locks.

Jerkov

Excellent! One Generator destroyed!

Jerkov

Second Generator kaput!

Jerkov

Very professional, Comrade. Only one Generator functioning.

Jerkov

Fantastic, the doorway is open! Find my Kovski!

Jerkov

Protect my loyal Kovski - one of them has vital information! MOVE!

The Zaibatsu are on to you! Protect my men and I will arrange for the doorway to be opened from the outside.

Jerkov

Word is out, Comrade, and THREE Assassins are moving in. I will arrange for the doorway to be opened. You watch your back.

Jerkov

Good! You nailed the Corporate Killer!

Jerkov

Ha! Zaibatsu Assassins are a joke!

Jerkov

Very professional, Comrade. Bring my men to meet Uncle Vanka in the Russian zone. He is the only one I know who can interpret the gangster information.

Jerkov

Get out of the vehicle and Uncle Vanka will interpret.

Uncle Vanka

Tell me - who is the Informant?

He says... "Some guy has some dirty... information about Jerkov's wife - and he's going to reveal all... to the Cops".

Jerkov

My son wants to deal with this Informant. Steal a Cop Car and I will relay to you further instructions.

Jerkov

Why, that Cop Uniform fits like a glove, Comrade! Find the Informant and pull up in front of his car. Don't forget to use the siren - he won't get out if it's not on!

Informant

Screw you, Cop! You won't ever take me alive!

Jerkov

Do not let the Informant escape, Comrade! And when you catch him, make sure you get him into a Cop Car!

Informant

OK, so you WILL take me alive... Don't hurt me! I'm sensitive!

Jerkov

My son is waiting with a few of my men at the Lubyanka Docks. Take the Informant to him.

Jerkov's Son

Good to see you, Comrade. Now get out of the Cop Car and let me see the Informant's face!

So this is the Informant... Well done, Comrade. Now stand back - we have work to do. Soften him up, men!

Jerkov's Son

Enough, men! Now it's my turn... Stand back!

Nobody spreads filth about my mother and lives... DIE!

Jerkov

A commendable performance, Comrade. I am well pleased with your work this day! Here is my appreciation - $80,000!

All Russian Jobs Done![edit]

Jerkov

Fantastic, Comrade! You have completed ALL the Russian jobs!